The case against "what’s meant for you won’t pass you by"

destiny and free will

There’s some serenity in believing that what’s meant for you will never pass you by. Amid all the mistakes the flaws it’s somehow written in the stars. Although I wish this to be true, a part of me feels there are some unspoken terms and conditions to this philosophy. I have missed opportunities in my personal and academic life that I was so sure were meant to be mine. Every fibre of my being drawn to what I then thought to be my destiny. “What’s meant for me won’t pass me” I would repeat to myself yet it felt akin to consolation for the missed opportunity. If it was actually mine I would have worked out right? Convinced myself It was a momentary desire like a shooting star.

I have changed my career choice and passion so many times my confidence in my instincts diminishes with each redirection. Each passion more intense than the last. “This is my calling I can feel it. “ If I had a coin for every time I thought that I would have about 4 cents which isn’t a lot but a bit intriguing that it happened that much.

In primary I wanted to be an actuarial scientist way before I knew how to spell it. I came to that conclusion after a 5 minute conversation with my mother for my career choice homework after browsing a couple of careers that I had turned down. I didn’t know much about what it was just that they made a lot of money and seemed smart, that was good enough for me. I stood firm by my decision well into high school not letting my love for physics waver it; well not intentionally. I didn’t do as great in my physics final exam so I concluded that I shouldn’t pursue it or anything adjacent career wise. What’s meant for me won’t pass me by I thought not wanting to face the fact that I should have studied physics a bit more. I did well in maths and accounting so that solidified my desire to be an actuarial scientist. “it must be my calling. “I thought when in reality I had put more effort those subjects.

During my gap year I wanted to be a pilot my parents were supportive. Things didn’t workout financially, severely disappointed I was so certain I was missing out on my destiny. Now a few years later I’m studying computer engineering with hopes to be a machine learning engineer and that feeling of certainty is present again.

If I can be anything I choose is what’s meant for me really written in the stars? If opportunities can be wasted can destiny not be forgone as freewill prevails? In high school there was a scholarship opportunity that I regrettably did not pursue to its entirety because I chose a holiday with my father over it and sometimes I wonder how differently life would have turned out had it worked out.

There are people who have stolen ideas and yet they prospered astronomically. Are there any rules to this? I think there is space of everyone out there but also free will, which seems to be just as much a curse as it is a gift. It’s coexistence with destiny makes me wonder which one tips the scale in its favour. You can waste away opportunities that are meant for you or seize those meant for others. The way I like to envision it is like a soulmate—or great partner if you don’t believe in the former—if you don’t reciprocate a great partner’s efforts and they move on is that not a wasted blessing? I don’t believe what’s meant for you will never pass you by because it can. This isn’t to induce anxiety buy to sieze the opportunities you deem worthy rabidly. If you’re a writer and you don’t put your work out there or take part in any writing competitions how will you gain visibility. As a Christian I do think there are things that God has set in my life for me to attain and the key is discernment so as to preserve my energy on doors not meant for me—even though they might succeed—and to maximise my effort on doors with my name on them.

There’s a series on Apple TV that I love called Dark Matter. It’s about a man who was abducted by a version of himself from another dimension. The version whilst being successful and a Nobel winning scientist regretted choosing his career over his then girlfriend. Being regretful and lonely he stole the main dimension guy’s life and swapped with his. The movie plot is a take on the fig tree ideology by Joan Didion to the extreme in how there are infinite versions of yourself based on all the decisions you have and will ever make, even the seemingly insignificant ones. In some other dimension he was dead in another his wife had died in another he had stolen his friend’s scientific contribution and won a Nobel prize in another his friend had stolen his contribution and won the Nobel prize. This series triggered a quarter life crisis lol but highly recommend.

As much as I avoid it the other versions of me haunt me sometimes. The realisation that the less effort I put into anything I claim to care about the more I forgo a version of me who is more skilled or more well read or who maximised their goals. It’s then I see infinite branches of myself, the version of myself that exercises regularly or is more locked in academically, the branch where I’m more consistent in everything I set my mind on, the branch where I focused on physics or the other version of my where my parents’ finances worked out and I’m a pilot. While the latter is outside the scope of things I can control It crosses my mind ever so often.

Sometimes things didn’t work out because we didn’t care enough to try and sometimes they do because we worked for it.

“ the cost of procrastination is the life you could have lived“

I don’t want to live a life plagued with regret and wasted potential so I’ll fight to be intentional about everything I touch.